A Traumatic Exorcism    

I recently looked up daddyofive because I remember him loosing his children over child abuse. I, being a victim of child abuse have been slightly interested in the story for awhile. Wanting to learn more I decided to look it up, I really didn’t expect it to trigger memories. When you suffer from PTSD, things will randomly trigger memories from your past. 
I’m here to share a story about an exorcism preformed on me from when I was just a child. I used to laugh it off and think it was just a silly story about my crazy religious biological father. Now that I’m a little older and being hit with the memory, I think I realize that, that moment is actually a bit more traumatic then I thought. 
The idea that there is a bunch of stuff from my past that I don’t recognize yet as traumatic or haven’t remembered yet terrifies me. I think a big problem for me is that the trauma I endured was so bad that the smaller things don’t come off as traumatic. It’s not until I get triggered into remembering it, that I get a little bit more clarity on my pain. 
Now for a small bit of background on me. When I was a little girl, starting at age 5, I went threw a lot of physical, mental, and even some sexual abuse from my step father. My mother, physical, and mental abuse. My biological father mostly mental abuse from what I can remember. I raised my newborn sister at age 5, because my mom was always sleeping with other men and if my step father wasn’t torching me he was at work, asleep, or hunting. I feed her, changed her, everything a single mother would do for her child. 
Now for the story of my exorcism. 
I’m not sure how old I was, if I had to guess I’d say 6 or 7. I was currently with my dad on visitation, since my parents are divorced. The closest time I was free from all the daily physical abuse was when I was with my dad or grandparents. Anyways I was visiting my dad. Usually we did anything I wanted to do. My dad is a very wealthy man and he was very much like a child, so there was always some fun thing to take my mind off things.
Well this night we didn’t go do anything, we decided to stay home. I always wondered what had happened in the past with me. As far as I remember and from what my dad has told me, I just started screaming and crying out of no where. Looking back on it now I’m almost positive it was a panic attack. 
I remember hurting so badly, and being so worn down emotionally. I remember crying, kicking, screaming. I didn’t understand what was going on, and I couldn’t calm down. My dad being the religious person he was started holding me down saying scriptures and praying a lot. When that didn’t work he put me in his pickup, locked the doors and went inside to grab his holy oil. I remember him coming back, doing some kind of ritual, and saying more prayers/chants. When I could finally calm down, he quit. We just sat in the pickup silent except for my sobs. It was silent all the way back to my mothers house. 
Now my dad is convinced he successfully did an exorcism, and I have to live with one more story that I wish I hadn’t remembered. Sometimes it’s just good to write things out so thank you for reading. 

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